There I was surrounded by amazing women who asked for prayers. Some asked for guidance, self-control, peace but one stood out to me…she said, “I need to have a conversation with someone” and chose not to elaborate. This struck me because I too had this request in my heart but was too ashamed to say it out loud. Look at that, I was not the only one who needed to have a difficult and heartbreaking conversation.
A cheerful heart (joy) is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Now let’s rewind a few months.
As a certified behavior analyst, aside from work, I found myself inadvertently analyzing people’s behaviors and knowing how they can easily decrease unwanted behaviors (I thought to myself c’mon it’s so simple!). Then I caught myself analyzing my own behavior and oh boy I was stunned to know that sometimes it’s not so simple. I realized how poor decisions consequently left me crushed. I was not caring for myself the way I deserved, and I was not talking to anyone about how I was feeling or my struggles. I knew I needed to have a conversation with her immediately. She needed to listen to the truth again. She needed to feel safe. She needed to know that she doesn’t have to have it all together. She can come just as she is. She needed to be reminded of her identity. She needed love. She was me.
The moment I had a serious conversation with myself things began to turn around slowly but surely. Aside from doing practical things, which I will share in the weekly reflections that may also help you, I began having honest conversations with God and a few other people. Some conversations were very uncomfortable and heartbreaking, like the one that I mentioned in the beginning, but it all led me to true freedom. What is true freedom? Never forgetting who I am and walking with my head high and loving every part of me. This peace (sigh). Ladies a peace and joy that I cannot explain. Things may not always go my way, but this peace and joy is not moved. This is a big deal to me because I was a person easily swayed by emotions and events.
I encourage you to have a conversation with yourself. Maybe you need to cut yourself some slack and simply tell yourself “Good job”. Maybe you need to confront those unhealthy habits that stops you from living a life of stability. Close your eyes and think of a girl or woman who you care about dearly. Would you let her continue living an unhealthy life knowing that a conversation may change things around for her? Now replace her with you.
Love,
Intentional Grace